Because there is absolutely no real news to report, the big story today is that a Morning Call staffer was walking her dog and thought she saw a monkey. Because wandering wild monkees are as great a threat to democracy and our way of life as terrorists, this is front page news.
Read the story here. No word confirming other possible sightings of a Monkey wearing a blonde wig, stilletto Pumps, and driving a Black Toyota Rav 4 being sighted at a nearby firearms range.
Though there are reports that the monkee is a pretty good shot with handguns, better than many political candidates.
Just like CNN, we will report if we have a breaking news update.
For those of you wondering, this is satire.